


Blurred Lines

by AMidnightDreary



Series: Riddles [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 05:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16737613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Tony is fine. Really.(Additional chapter to my story "A Riddle To Be Solved")





	Blurred Lines

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is just a small interlude. Should be read after chapter 20. I hope you like it! :)

Tony let himself fall onto the bed, not even trying to be quiet. He stared at the ceiling, listening to Loki doing whatever amnesiac gods did in the bathroom – he was probably peeing – and tried not to think about how impressively he'd messed up this time.

The thing was, he didn't really feel like he'd messed up. He felt okay. Maybe even good. Sure, he was still somewhat pissed that Loki had given himself over to SHIELD without letting Tony in on the plan, and he was worried about what would happen the next day, but he didn't feel bad because he and Loki were...

Well. Whatever they were.

It had been nice. Sure, maybe not the longest or most exciting sexual encounter he'd ever had, but... still. It had been really fucking nice. Kissing Loki had been nice. Touching Loki had been nice. Making Loki come had been nice.

And, yeah, who was he kidding? Tony wanted to do it again. Everything. He was sure they would do it again, too, unless -

Unless things really went down hill tomorrow.

Fine, maybe he was more than just _worried._ Maybe he was scared shitless. But apart from that he was fine, really.

“Oh”, someone said, and Tony turned his head to look at Loki, who had just emerged from the bathroom. He was looking at Tony, his expression surprised and just the tiniest bit wary. “I didn't expect you to be here.”

“I can leave”, Tony offered. He knew that inviting oneself to stay into another person's bedroom wasn't the best thing ever, but it had been the better alternative to asking for permission.

He _wanted_ to stay.

“You could also stay”, Loki replied, leaning down to take off his socks.

“Okay”, Tony said. He watched as Loki slid under the covers on the other side of the bed. He looked as if he'd be out in seconds – no wonder, he was goddamn exhausted after his stay at SHIELD, probably. He still looked at Tony, though; as soon as he'd made himself comfortable.

“Uh. You don't mind if I take off my jeans, right?”

“Not at all.”

And so Tony took off his jeans and lay down next to Loki, with enough space between them.

“I am far too tired to do anything”, Loki said after a moment, forming the words around a yawn.

“Nawww. And here I though we'd be banging the whole night.”

“Maybe tomorrow”, Loki said indulgently.

“I'll take you up on that.”

Loki hummed, smiling as he closed his eyes. “Oh, I should hope so.”

Tony kept his eyes open. Kept them fixed on Loki. _Loki_ , he'd always been and always would be Loki in his mind, no matter if he still wasn't sure whether he actually _was_ Loki or not. Because maybe, just maybe, he was Bran; and Tony still didn't know if Bran and Loki were different people or one and the same. He'd never asked which name Loki used for himself – did he think of himself as _Bran_? Or was he nameless in his thoughts? Tony couldn't imagine how that was like; having a bunch of memories and being aware they weren't right. That had to be the weirdest thing ever.

It struck Tony as somewhat strange that Loki seemed to be so calm. He'd seen the former god freak out so many times, over so many seemingly little things. He'd seen green eyes go glassy and unfocused, he'd seen brows be knitted together in a pained expression, he'd seen hands start to shake to a point where grabbing anything with them became impossible. And now, Loki had spent almost a week in a cell at SHIELD. He'd stood his ground against Fury and the others that day, and he'd talked to Clint without showing the _tiniest_ sign of uneasiness.

The spell was wearing off.

And what would happen when it was lifted completely? Who would that man – god – next to him be, then? Tony remembered all too clearly who he had fought against. Being thrown out of a window wasn't something you forgot. And being choked like that wasn't something you forgot, either. Tony could still feel Loki's fingers closing around his throat and lifting him off the ground, sometimes.

An hour ago, Loki had moved to kiss his throat, fingernails scraping over skin that was, all at once, far too sensitive. He'd been gentle – his movements a bit frantic and messy, yes, but as far away from intending to hurt as possible. But still, Tony's heart had skipped, not in a good way, and he'd moved Loki's hands to somewhere else and pulled him up to kiss his mouth.

Loki hadn't even noticed.

Tony swallowed thickly and stared at Loki. His breathing had evened and his features were already slack in sleep. He looked so harmless, so _human_ , even though he was anything but that, and Tony remembered the first time they had slept in one bed. He didn't remember falling asleep, he certainly hadn't _intended_ to fall asleep with Loki next to him. But he'd been comfortable, and Loki had looked vulnerable enough that Tony had felt safe enough to relax right next to him.

Safe. Around _Loki._

At least he'd felt safe until he had dreamed about the invasion. Dreamed about _that_ Loki.

Tony knew that Loki wasn't going to hurt him. Or rather, he knew that _Bran_ wasn't going to hurt him. They were allies, after all, and he needed Tony. Yes, he needed Tony. And Tony needed Loki. _Loki,_ not Bran.

The lines were getting too blurred, suddenly.

Tony cursed under his breath and sat up, flinging his feet out of bed to feel solid ground beneath them. He tried to keep his breaths steady and his thoughts from running too fast. He wanted to lie down and sleep; he himself hadn't slept that much the last days, too, goddammit, and he knew that he didn't have a single reason to freak out now. But it wasn't like he could control that; he couldn't simply stop the way his heart sped up and his chest tightened until his lungs stopped accepting any air he tried to force into them and -

“Anthony?”

Oh, fuck.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, forcing himself to take a breath. “Fine, I'm – fine.”

He heard movement behind him, felt the mattress move under him as Loki sat up. He didn't say anything for a while, though, and Tony didn't turn around to look at him. He was still busy trying to get his shit together.

“Is there anything I can do?”, Loki asked after what felt like an eternity, his voice quiet and still a bit sleepy.

“Go back to sleep”, Tony gritted out.

“Anthony -”

“It's okay. I'm okay. You can't do anything. It's nothing you did, it's just -”

 _You_ , Tony thought, _just_ you, _in general_. But he didn't say that, because that was the most unfair thing he could say to Loki, who didn't have the slightest idea what was going on and, at least right now, had _not meant to hurt him._

“I can't sleep here”, Tony announced, still breathless. “I'm sorry, it's just -”

“It's alright”, Loki interrupted him softly. “I'll see you tomorrow, yes?”

Tony nodded, and fled.

He hid in the workshop, like he always did. He wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, anyway. He was already half buried in the first project he'd gotten his hands on when JARVIS spoke up.

“ _Sir, he inquires if you're alright._ ”

Tony stopped and blinked, confused.

“ _Sir? What should I tell him?”_

Tony swallowed. “Fine”, he said, forcing his hands to start moving, working again. “Tell him I'm fine.”

He'd really messed up big this time, hadn't he?

 


End file.
